Have you ever heard the phrase “heartbreak leads to healing?” Because I had, and I absolutely did not believe it.
Not until my heart was broken. Not by a boy, but by my potential future.
I campaigned to be the Next Face of Torrid in their 2017/18 competition. I put up pictures on Instagram, I applied online, and I told everyone I met about my opportunity to be a model. I was SURE I would be picked. At least for the Top 10! Several Torrid models started following my account, and some Torrid execs even commented on my photos. My family believed in me and I was positive I would be walking in New York Fashion Week 2017! I even cancelled my 21st birthday party because I figured I would be in New York on that day.
I could see it when I closed my eyes. I could see myself on their website, and the larger than life window displays with my face on it. I could see it all.
What I couldn’t see, however, was me sitting alone on my birthday watching a live stream of the NYFW [New York Fashion Week] show where they debuted the Top 10. The Top 10 that I was not a part of. The Top 10 that I was nowhere near.
It broke my heart. I cried for days. I dove in to the depths of their Instagram accounts and asked myself “Why wasn’t it me?! What did I do wrong??” . I looked for the signs, the clues that I would be left back while other girls lived my fantasy. I compared my body to theirs. I thought about the marketing ideals for the “flat stomach just curvy enough” plus size girls, versus my chunky, doughy, cinnamon bun-esc physique.
I went full on conspiracy theory crazy.
I finally took a step back and realized that I could be bitter, or I could be better.
I could hold it against the models that were chosen, or I could be my best possible self.
I could compare my body to those that were chosen, or I could love my body as it is.
I could be the person they wanted me to be, or I could finally just be me!
I took that momentum and thrusted forward, posting about my insecurities, my favorites parts of my body, reaching out to other pages, and trying to spread an image of an all-encompassing body positivity movement.
We love this article, Bailey! BE BOLD!!!!